Pro-bowlers and people who work on computers have one thing in common: they can both hurt their hands at their jobs.
A pro-bowler could hurt his wrist if someone accidentally puts some super glue in the finger holes on his bowling ball. Then his fingers could get stuck without him knowing and when he goes to roll his ball hard towards the pins, his hand might come off with the ball and go down the lane and score a strike. With computers, you don't get any points for hurting your hands.
On the scale of what's dangerous for your hand and what's not, computer keyboards are medium dangerous. Some things that are less dangerous than using technology are turning doorknobs, pointing at stuff, and touching sand. Some things that are more dangerous for your hands than technology are punching mirrors, reaching into fire, and checking if big turtles are snapping turtles by using your fingers. Some other medium dangerous things are high-fiving musclemen who are usually gentle but can get excited, and competing in knuckle-cracking contests.
I didn't know keyboards were dangerous until my roommate, Greg, started complaining about his wrist hurting all the time. I asked if it had anything to do with him wearing the really stupid-looking bracelet that his girlfriend got him and he said, no, the bracelet was soothing and not painful because it showed their love for each other (lame). He said his wrist hurt because he typed at work all day. He said if it got really bad, he might get something called carpal tunnel syndrome.
You're probably thinking, carpal tunnel syndrome? How am I supposed to remember something as weird-sounding as that? Well, I have a way. Imagine you work at a place that also has a room for an orchestra to practice music, so you carpool with some orchestra guys. One day, you try to take a shortcut on a road that goes through a tunnel, but you get stuck in a traffic jam underground. You're going to be late, and the orchestra guys start freaking out because they need time to get ready, so they take out their giant horns and stuff and begin warming up in your car, which is really small. This carpool tunnel situation can get uncomfortable, just like carpal tunnel syndrome is uncomfortable for your wrists.
Unfortunately there is no way to avoid using keyboards for a lot of people. You might be able to get a microphone that types into your computer for you, but that could get embarrassing. For example, what if you work for a doctor, typing up stuff his patients have said to him? There might be a patient who had butt problems and was like, "my butt hurts, and it smells pretty nasty, and I looked at it in a mirror and it looks pretty gross too." You would have to say that and if attractive girls were walking by your office, they might think you're talking about your own butt.
So the only things to do are take breaks from typing and try not to type too hard. Also, look for signs that would make typing even more dangerous than it usually is, like if the keyboard is really hot and melting or there's a big poisonous snake on it.
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784 pp., Ballatine, $27
Reviewed by Sara Joy Culver
1.
The important thing to understand before you read this review is that I am not a snob.
This excerpt from the diary of Eric Murphy, dated 24 June 2010, is currently on loan to dislocate.org from the British National Museum for Literature.
24 June 2010
As I find myself in the middle of an extended stay on a peculiar, far-flung Island which has no access to Taco Bell and whose barbaric entertainment systems are incompatible with my 30 Rock digital versatile discks, I need something to occupy me throughout the evening and night.
Attention writers and readers: We are now accepting poetry, fiction, and nonfiction submissions for our Issue 7 reading period, July 15 to November 15, 2010. This year we have transitioned to an online-only submission policy: submit your work via Submishmash. This will streamline our reading process and expedite responses to our prospective contributors.
[read]7.14.10Didn't get a chance to attend dislocate's annual shindig, celebrating the new issue release and the launch of the website whose site tracker statistics you are at this very moment improving? We made a slideshow for you so that you would make sure to clear your calendar and book plane tickets to Minneapolis for next year.
[read]5.16.10